Getting there

I am even further behind in my writing of the Halloween story than I wanted to be. My diabetes decided to flare up the night before last and so I was up with extremely high blood sugars most of the night. It always wipes me out for several days after an episode. So I slept all of yesterday, and am still dragging and weak today. I did not get any writing done yesterday, not like I had hoped, but I did get some done today. I might be able to pull out a little more writing out of me later on, but it doesn’t look like the story is going to be finished for several more days. Dang it all anyway. It is coming along good, however. I am going to have to put a caution on this story. Like I said in my last blog, it is not my usual style. In fact, this one is going to be quite bloody and gory. *laugh* Hopefully I get the details of it correct! I will put a little spoiler here so that you know if you want to read it or not.

 

****SPOILER ALERT****

A journalist, at the last of his ropes. No life to live to speak of. He lives in a dive, possesses no money and very few items, and is on the verge of losing his job. in desperation, the idea of cannibalism crosses his mind as a story idea…will he go through with it? will he participate in the cannibalism himself, or find someone else to chronicle their experience?

 

***end spoiler***

anyway, that is the premise of the story. We will see how it actually turns out, and I hope those that read it will enjoy it…*laugh* Enjoy cannibalism. Nice. *snicker*

It will come, but perhaps late

So, I am actually writing. Shocking, I know. It has been 9 months since I have written anything. I have tried, but nothing would come. I meant to have a story for Halloween finished days before now, but I couldn’t think of anything to write. I thought I had something, but I could not get the thoughts to form. I have something I am working on now, but because it is turning out to be a bit more twisted than anything than I have done before, and tomorrow is Halloween, I am not sure that I am going to have it done until at least the day after Halloween. I really wanted to have something to post on Halloween, something original, but it doesn’t look like it is going to turn out that way. So, in the words of Brian Adams (who is playing on my player right now…) “please forgive me, I know not what I do” *snicker* I will have a story for you, just not on time. Sorry about that. Hopefully it will be good. It is a bit twisted, like I said, so it may not be to everybody’s taste…it is appearing to be an interesting story to write at least. *laugh* It just feels good to be writing anything at this point *smile*

It never fails *snicker*

First things first…today is the last day I am attending school. I am going to miss it like crazy, but I have to think of my health and mental well-being vs. learning…and I choose my health and mental well-being (I guess *snicker and wink*) I also choose being able to write more often vs. learning. Of course, I still learn as I research and whatnot…but I was enjoying the classes immensely. especially since I was getting all A’s in school. Maybe one day I can go back.

So, here is where the title of this blog comes in to play. Saturday I was backing up my computer system so that my brother could update it, including putting on a new version of Windows. this was to occur on Sunday. Well, Saturday the computer was working just fine. And it shut down just fine as well. But when I went to start it up for my brother, it did nothing. It wouldn’t go past the option to boot from a CD option. it just sat there and sat there and sat there. My brother and I got in there and was looking around, trying different things, and it wouldn’t do anything. it wouldn’t even let us reformat the hard drives. It wouldn’t even find the hard drives. It found the DVD-rom’s. It found a x: drive which looked to be a virtual drive. I had never seen that in there before. But it would not find my hard drives. no matter what we did, we could not get it to find the hard drives. We even switched them around and tried various settings…and nothing. We can’t figure out what happened. I hadn’t downloaded anything, and things were operating just fine the day before. but the hard drives just disappeared.

So, my dad being the great guy he is, is buying me all new computer parts for my brother to build me a custom computer. We are going to try to use what parts we can from the dead-in-the-water computer, but most of the parts will be the best that we can find at this time. It is going to have a 2 TB hard drive, 16 GB’s of RAM, HD sound and video (the sound will be home theatre quality HD), and so on. And I will be able to upgrade with no problem, whereas with the DELL computer’s that I have been using, I have to make sure the parts are compatible with their parts they put in and such. The computer that is dead-in-the-water was a DELL XPS 630i computer and at the time I bought it, about 15 months ago was about $2200…and it did not have all of the parts that I wanted. Such as a HDMI port, and some of the parts I was able to get were not the best quality that I could get. Whereas the parts we are buying for my new custom computer is going to be about $600 less than that, with top-of-the-line parts (as of this time anyway *snicker*.

So, until that computer is built, I am reliant completely on my laptop…which I never wanted this laptop to be my main computer, because of how easily laptop’s become bogged down. But I gotta do what I gotta do, right?

I am going to start trying to write again in a couple of days. I would say today…but I have some stuff I need to finish up with for school, and tomorrow and Wednesday I have doctor appointments. Tomorrow’s is to get a corteroid injection in my hip for the stupid arthritis, and Wednesday’s is for my diabetes checkup…which I can already say that my doctor is going to be upset with my blood sugars. With everything going on lately, my blood sugars are rarely below 300…most of the time they are in the 400-500 range. So, he is not going to be happy at all. He has already been threatening to turn me over to a different doctor because he does not think he is doing a good enough job…but he is doing a better job than any of the others I have had. it is not his fault that the last 2 years have been extremely stressful for me and my body can’t handle stress. So hopefully he doesn’t say enough is enough on Wednesday and hopefully I don’t have to start looking for a new doctor. Fingers crossed.

So, back to the writing. I am hoping to start writing again on Thursday…I will get working on the sequel to Into the Forest. When I left it, it was going really well, so hopefully I will be able to pick up where I left off and the book will finish itself pretty fast. here’s hoping anyway. I have never been a real fast writer. Though, I don’t have anybody sick (other than myself) to look after any more, so things might go faster for me in that regard.

I also need to get planning the Halloween blog story. That day is getting close! I have a semi-idea of what I want the Halloween blog story to be, but things are not quite clear on it. Just a few weeks ago I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it…but I think I can now. However, I don’t think I will do the trivia and facts on Halloween like I did last year. I am not totally discounting it…but we will see.

Too much

Hey all…it has been way too long since I have written anything in the blog…or rather blogs…so much has been going on that I am still reeling. I have hardly written anything since the beginning of the year, and I will explain why…

It all started a year ago last Easter. That was when my grandpa died. Then that following July, Grandma moved in with us due to her Alzheimer’s. Then at the beginning of the year…or rather, then end of January, my mom died. It was shortly after then that I started college. Grandma died from her Alzheimer’s the end of July and a week later one of our favorite dogs died. Then as of Monday, my dad remarried.

All of this has been too much for me and I have not been able to settle down to write anything…I have wanted to, but when I sit down to do it, I could not even think of where to begin. the same thing with the blogs. I just did not know what to say. Because of all of this, I am dropping out of school…at least, for now. I hope to go back soon, but for now, I can’t handle school anymore. Also, because of all of this, my health is the worst it has been for quite some time.

I am still waiting for the publication of Into the Forest…I am not sure when it will be released as of yet. Though I do have the cover, and I need to post it on the website (and do updates there as well…) and on Facebook and get active on my Facebook fan page. I am hoping to get 0n all of that again here really soon…

With dropping out of school, I should be able to concentrate more on writing…I am hoping so anyway. I am going to start writing on the blog(s) more frequently as well…hoping to get back into some semblance of a routine. Here’s having my fingers crossed anyway! *laugh*

Where have I been . . . ?

That is a good question. Sometimes I don’t even know where I have been. Between home, health and school, the time has disappeared. I have not even been able to write much, it has been that bad. And do you realize how much I am missing writing?

Let me see if I can break it down.

With home, health and school, I have been trying to keep up on things, but my health has decided to throw some more problems my way. Well, I shouldn’t say that they are *new,* more that they are worse and that they are finally diagnosed. Or . . . some of them *are* new. see? I can’t even keep it straight in my head! and trying to keep up with home and health with school in there . . . well, that means I have been extremely wired and tired. it finally caught up with me yesterday. I will go into it in a minute.

First . . . health. should I start with the bottom (feet. feet. clean minds people *wink*) and go up to the head, or head down . . . ?) I will start with the feet. So I went to nerve doctor and had a nerve conduction test run on me feet and legs and found the peripheral nerves are pretty damaged. which means that I don’t feel much in my feet. thanks diabetes! and it extends almost up to my knees.

Also, for several months I have been having problems with one or other of my legs collapsing from under me and the nerve test revealed that my autonomic neuropathy has progressed to attacking the nerves main nerve in my legs. So now I have to have a cane with me.

So, on to the next section. my arms. same thing. peripheral neuropathy in my hands, and possible autonomic neuropathy. but also I have pinched nerves in both elbows and both wrists, which cause all of the fingers in my left hand to go numb and my thumb and first two fingers in my right hand to go numb. gee . . . wonder why. couldn’t be because I am always on the computer or reading, could it??? we are going to avoid surgery as long as possible, however. surgery is the worst thing I could do.

So I saved the worst for last. My eyes. I have always had bad eyes. and ever since my diagnosis with diabetes at age 13 in 1990, I was always told the odds were I would have eye problems, probably blindness. I always knew that I would be blind. when? I didn’t know, but I knew it would be a “if”, not “when”.That eventuality is closer. and I am starting to have to use aids to see properly when writing and reading. what is wrong? a condition called Macular Pucker. it basically is like looking through cellophane and in of itself will lead to a certain extent of vision loss, but I also have diabetic retinopathy which is going to take my vision, especially combined with the macular pucker. there is treatment for the two, but with my health and the risks . . . I am not sure if the doctors and I, when the time is right, will decide that it will be an option for me. each day is a surprise with my eyes. some days are worse than others. And add to the mix are ocular migraines that are an almost daily occurrence.

Then school. I have had two papers that I have been working on. one that I have been working on my own, and one that I have been working on with a team. Not too busy with the papers, not usually. but with the doctor appointments, it has put my schedule a lot tighter than I am used to.

because of the trips to the doctor, I have been extremely tired, but so wired that I could not sleep. but it finally caught up to me yesterday when I crashed and slept for 18 hours.

I am hoping that after a couple more days of sleep, of good sleep, that I will be caught back up now that my doctor appointments are slowing down, though they are not finished. I have a dentist appointment week after next, and another doctor appointment the 6th. And hopefully I will be able to get back to writing on top of everything else. before my mind starts going wacko *wink*

Now, hopefully this wasn’t too much information *laugh*

2 days late, 2 dollars short

ok, so, the quote should be “a day late, a dollar short” but I am two days late on reporting this, so, I am taking literary license here.

So what am I two days late on? I hope you are not going where I think your mind is going because 1) no way in hell. and 2) it is impossible in more than one way. LOL.

No, what I am late on is reporting here that I have updated my website.

I mentioned it on the website itself, and I mentioned it on Facebook. But did I mention it here? ummm. Nope.

Shame on me. Of course, On the first, I had a lot going on…and yesterday I was extremely tired.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so tired last night (I was in bed by 6:30), but when I woke this morning, I woke with a fever and a humongous sore throat. That explained that!

So, here is what I updated on the website:

I put a new sample chapter up for my upcoming book that is being released in July, Into the Forest, you can get to it HERE.

I also finally put the Ancient Greek Time Line up for you. It is what I am using for my Hubris series. Especially the first book, The Prank. It is under the “Free Stuff” link on my website. ;)

So, now you know the updates…a little late, but now you know them. LOL.

A little bit of this, A little bit of that

You wouldn’t believe it that I am actually getting writing in while going to school. True, the homework load isn’t that great right now, with the first week winding down (tomorrow makes the end of the first week), but the way I study and work, I create more work for myself. Especially with online forums/schooling. I join in the discussions far more than I probably should. But I sure do enjoy the discussions. I love the mental stimulation. And I am still getting writing in, which I am so happy about. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to. Writing and research, and even some movie time.

One thing I am finding I am having to do is actual planning. I am going to buy a planner so that I can keep my days worked out so I can make sure I get everything done. I am also using the calendars on my computer, but we all know that they are not infallible, so I am working the paper planner and the electronic calendar at the same time. probably too cautious, but I am anal that way LOL.

I am getting close to getting the next chapter of Mu Mysteries up, but I had to stop to get a little bit of research. I imagine that I will be able to have it ready by the end of the week … tentatively.

One thing I will be doing tomorrow, in-between my studying, is finishing creating the pages and uploading the Ancient Greek Time Line and also a sample chapter of Into the Forest in preparation of its release in July. I will let you know when they are up and where the links are ;)

This weekend I took off from most things as my sister-in-law and brother and niece were here (the ones that were just married). But I did do a couple of things. One of them, was getting my hair dyed. It is now a nice lovely shade of burgundy. I will have to get a picture of it – wearing my horns of course – I love this color. It always looks so good on me. I don’t know why. I decided that it is my signature color ;) what? every girl should have one! *snicker*

Catch up time :)

So much has changed, I am not even sure I know where to start. They say that the beginning is a good place to start. I don’t even remember who said that, and I am too lazy right now to look it up…but when you think about it, do we even truly know where the actual beginning is? because isn’t life really a sequence of beginnings? I mean, think about it. We are constantly ending little things and big things only to begin new things…and all at different times, so there is never a true sense of “this is the beginning of it all!”

Well…except when we are born. but…but isn’t even a true beginning, because before that, we are conceived, and there are a series of endings and beginnings while we are in the womb, and even before we are conceived there are a series of endings and beginnings, depending on your spiritual beliefs.

So…

Where does it all truly end???

Where does it all truly begin??

And boy did I go of on a tangent! ROFLMAO

ok. time to reel myself back in. Back to my original thought here…what was it…where did it go? Oh yes…my own series of endings and beginnings.

I guess I will touch on the key points. some of them briefly, some I will expound on.

~There was mom’s passing.

~My diabetes has decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works again, as has several other health factors…my stomach is worsening, I need to get back to the doctor and force him to make a decision. I won’t go into the details, but let’s just say it is not working…figuratively and literally. and now my neuropathy in my legs are worsening and I am having possible spinal problems…I am seeing a specialist on Tuesday to have tests run to give more answers about that. I am definitely going to have to start walking with a cane though…or at least keeping one by my side for my unstable days—bodily unstable. There’s no hope for my mental unstableness! *snicker* So, my health is *not* behaving in the slightest.

~My uncle was just diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.

~My grandma is making daily comments, thanks to her Alzheimer's, that I am telling her that I want her out of the house and that I wish she were dead…which, of course is no where near true…gotta love Alzheimer’s! **eye-roll* Actually, she rotates between me and dad. LOL I had to laugh at tonight’s comment…she told dad…in reference to me “For someone who has gone to college, she sure is a dunce.” gee. thanks! ;) LOL.

~My oldest brother had surgery on both knees.

~And my niece’s hamster died, and so did the replacement…which she named after the original one.

All of that is the nasty side that has been going on since the first of the year. literally. all of that has erupted only since the first of the year…actually, only since mom died, has it started, Jan 26th. So, not even a month! (except one of my brothers surgeries was at the first of the year, so before her passing.)

But, here is the positive things that have been going on.

~My writing is finally coming back on board…I have been mostly doing some intensive research…which I still have lots to do for future sections, but have the current areas research done. but the actual writing was not working out…but it is finally coming back on board.

~My brother and his fiancée married just before mom died so she could see them get married and they are doing fantastic.

~My new sister-in-law’s oldest son got engaged shortly afterward

~My oldest niece is in a musical play, her first, and she has a solo part! :D she is tied as one of my biggest fans and is the biggest proponent of my books being turned into movies…just so she can act in the lead part ;)

~And I started college at the University of Phoenix in their Bachelor of Science in Psychology. I want to be able to get into my character’s heads deeper mwaaahaaaahaaahaaa –at least that is one reason for it *snicker* The cool thing is, my academic’s representative thinks we will be able to substitute some of my gen classes with some other classes that I want to take…not all of them, of course, but some of them. such as ancient history classes, and creative writing classes, and possibly philosophy classes. so that would be sweet!

You can’t tell I am excited about college, can you? I start on Tuesday. I have been taking some workshops in the meantime. I applied on the tenth and officially became a student last week and have taken two workshops since then. LOL.

That is what has been going on though. You have pretty much been caught up.

I am still plugging away on my various writing projects…going to get some work done on Mu Mysteries next week and hopefully have a new chapter up for you for next month, and have a sample chapter for Into the Forest up for you for the first of the month as well, as well as a Ancient Greek Time line that I am putting up on the website. I will also be starting back in on twitter better (was going to start better on that the last few days, but got sidetracked from it again. shame on me.) but will be going with Rita and Missy and Dominick again. they have been bugging me that they want back on Twitter ;) My muse is getting strong once again.

For tonight, I have a little bit of work to do and some pre-reading for my class on Tuesday, and then I am heading to bed. Besides, this is long enough! *Grin* Laters!

Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody

It has been a long while since I have done a blog, and I will do one Saturday, I promise, but in the meantime, I was talking with my sister-in-law on the phone yesterday and we were joking around about my brother having to do everything because nobody wanted to do it, especially us, and it reminded me about this joke… and I so I wanted to share it with you, because I always got a kick out of it, and it is so apropos in our society… ;)

 

This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

     There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

can’t get motivated

it has been a while since my last blog. between mom taking a turn for the worse and then her passing, I haven’t had the gumption to want to blog. or do much of anything. true, she only passed on the 26th of last month…so it has only been 12 days…but the days have passed by so fast that on one hand it seems like much longer. yet I have not given myself a chance to really grieve for her. I have had to be strong for everyone else and take care of all lot of the after-details…and both of my brothers and their families have been here with dad and I, that I have not let myself sit down long enough to let myself let it sit in. Add to the fact that I had been preparing myself for it for a long time…and being able to commune with spirits to an extent, that I can see and talk with her nightly and “go” places with her astrally…in a lot of ways, she is still here…but she isn’t. and when I have bouts like today (one brother and sister-in-law just went home for the week) I am at a loss to do anything, then I don’t know what to do. I have several projects to work on…I am working on piecing together Ancient Greek timelines form about 5 different sources to make one extensive (or more extensive than any of them alone…) timeline. I have some jokes to go over for Hades and Ares to be cracking together…some may say they are morbid, and they are, but given who the gods are, they need to be morbid…they are dead baby jokes. come on! it is Hades and Ares! you were expecting fluffy bunny and horsey jokes? LOL. nope. not quite. though…they will be cracking some of those. gotta get them at some odd moments *wink wink* but, do you think I can get motivated to do any of that? not really. I can do a little here or there, but my heart isn’t really in it. What I need to do is to dive into some battle scenes in The Prank and get some of this emotion out of me so I can function better. perhaps I will try that here in a few. maybe that will work. hopefully. I know mom would not want me to be this way. I do know that some people do not understand why I am not showing much sad emotion, and why I am laughing so soon (even just a couple days after)…but that is how I deal with sadness and grief. I put a happy face on and never ever…except when it slips…let others see how much I really am hurting. I do my grieving alone. except in writing. I can express it in writing. say out here. or in my books. but in person? nope. crying? hardly never. this may sound bad, but I trained myself to *not* cry. I used to cry. a lot. but I trained myself not to. not because I am ashamed of it. not anything like that. but with all of the aches and pains that I go through on a daily basis, crying physically hurts me, so I refuse to let myself cry, I refuse to let myself add to that pain. so I express my sadness, my pain, my grief in other ways. like my writing. like my words. I am reading Dracula right now, and Stoker expressed it exactly through Van Helsing exactly what I go through when Van Helsing was talking to Seward as they boarded the train… let me find the passage again…hmmm where was it. my fault for not marking it… ah! here it is!

“Ah, you don’t comprehend, friend John. DO not think that I am not sad, though I laugh. See, I have cried even when the laugh did choke me. But no more think that I am all sorry when I cry., for with you that laughter who knock at your doo and say ‘may I come in?’ is not the true laughter. No! he is a king, and he come when and how he like. He ask no person: he choose no time of suitability. he say, ‘I am here.”

…

“…And yet I can laugh at her very grave—laugh when the clay form the spade of the sexton drop upon her coffin and say. ‘Thud! thud!’ to my heart…”

…

“…Oh, friend John, it is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of mysteries, and woes, and troubles; and yet when King Laugh come he make them all dance to the tune he play. Bleeding hearts, and dry bones of the churchyard, and tears that burn as they fall—all dance together to the music that he make with that smileless mouth of him. And friend John, that he is good to come, and kind. Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways. They brace us up, until perhaps the strain becomes to great, and we break. But King Laugh, he come like the sunshine, and he ease off the strain again; and we bear  to go on with our labour, what it may be.”

…

“Friend John, forgive me if I pain. I showed not my feeling to others when it would wound, but only to you, my old friend, whom I can trust. If you could have looked into my very heart then when I want to laugh; if you could have done so when the laugh arrived; if you could do so now, when King Laugh have pack up his crown and all that is to him—for he go far, far away from me, and for a long, long time—maybe you would perhaps pity me the most of all.”

This pretty much describes what goes through my mind, heart and soul when I am sad. when I grieve. a lot of people don’t understand it, and I have never been able to express it. I have never even seen it expressed half-so-well as this. Believe me. Most everyone that I know has made it pretty well known without saying it full-out that I am not welcome at funerals because I do laugh. I do joke. I do tell stories of how the deceased was. I don’t outwardly cry. I don’t outwardly mourn. and it makes people very uncomfortable. And mom was the same way to a certain extent. the only difference was, she was a crier. but not because of the deceased. she was a crier over everything. LOL. she cried at everything. literally. this is why she made certain that we would not have a funeral, or even a viewing for her. She wanted a wake at a later point when the grief for her wasn’t as strong. she wanted happy and memories. not sadness. and our family is more than willing to give it to her.

the only problem is…I thought I would be able to immerse myself in my many sundried projects. it is not turning out that way. of course, we have had lots of company…I am not complaining about that, mind you. I love seeing my brothers and family…but it doesn’t help with my concentration LOL.

after I finish this, we will see if I can get into one of my projects, or into the actual writing. I need it. especially a battle scene. I can even see a funny scene…laughter is good. but I somehow don’t see me working on any love scenes. those are tricky for me at any given moment as is. it is a new territory for me, so still very tricky. not something to attempt when in a darker place. I don’t think…

I think the hardest part of not knowing what to start with…of having so much to do, that I can’t get motivated…beyond the grief factor, is the fact that mom used to help past these hurdles…just by being here to talk to. I would have so much to do, my to-do list would be so long that I would get overwhelmed and we would talk and the talking would get me past the panic and anxiety (which is the underlying factor) and then I would be able to chose something to work on. And my partner is not here now. not physically. and while she is here in spirit…it is not quite the same. I can still talk to her, and I can still hear and feel her answers…but it is not the same. I can’t go hug her when it gets really bad.

It is to the point that I am tempted to go pull out everything in my closet and go climb in it. I have not needed the comfort of my closet for quite some time…and it is getting almost to that point again. *sigh*

Things will be quiet for a few

I am not going to be totally away, but I may not be around a lot for a bit. for how long? I am not sure. My mom is not going to be around much longer. she is dying. we have been expecting this for a while now. we have known for 8 years(?) that we were going to lose her. our family is plagued with a very destructive disease called Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency that attacks the liver and/or the lungs and is passed down through the genes…and almost every one of my grandpa’s family on my mom’s side of the family has it, and is dead or dying from it…not every one, but a good number of them…more so than is not. And I am a carrier of it, as are my brothers. It can be cured with a liver/lung transplant…however, mom cannot have one. she is allergic to almost every medicine on the market, which disqualifies her from one. we have known this almost from the beginning of finding out about the disease. It was just a matter of time. We were hoping that we would have at least another year, or two, with her. we knew time was closing in. but, things escalated at Halloween, she took a turn for the worse. then this past month, things *really* got bad…really bad. the past few days we have been running back and forth to the doctors/hospital. she is now on morphine with end-stage liver failure. the doctors can’t give us a time-frame, but if she follows true to her dad and brother and the rest of the family members…it is only a matter of weeks. Right now, I have numbed myself and am holding myself together with mental duct tape so that I can be strong for my dad and the rest of the family…For the most part, mom knows what is going on, and she has told us, all along, how she wants her body to be treated…she wants a very brief viewing and then cremation to have her ashes brought home. no funeral, no big drama. just brief and simple. which suits us fine. we are, for the most part, very private, very simple people. I have been preparing myself for this for a long time. It does not make it any easier, but it is helping me from breaking down when I am most needed right now. Needless to say, I am not going to be around much…the blog’s, the tweet’s, the Facebook accounts and the writing are all going to be neglected for the most part as I help take care of mom…as the end draws closer…but I will be around…somewhat. I will do what I can, manage how I can, and take things as they come…but most of all…be with mom as much as possible. It would help if we knew exactly how much time we had…but we don’t, and so we take each day as it comes. we muddle through and we love her with all our hearts. She is a fantastic lady who has given lots of love through her life, she deserves no less then to get as much love as we can give her…as I can give her…

Ideas

I have had several people ask me where my story ideas come from, both for new books, and for while I am writing my current stories, to keep them going…and that answer if very easy for me.

Dreams. They come from my dreams. Both sleeping and awake, but mostly sleeping.

this is the usual process…

I dream. Unless the dream is in color (which is a rarity for me that it is not in color), I do not take note of it. At least for a story. But I usually don’t take too close of note of the dream for potential story use if it occurs just once. oh no. there has to be a lot more to it than this. No, the first time I dream, it is purely for entertainment (and informational purposes from my subconscious).

If I dream the dream again, regardless if it is the same exact dream or not, no matter what form it is in, this is where I really start paying closer attention for potential use. Even if it is in black and white and shades of grey. If it has the same theme, I take note.

Why would I take note even if it is not in color? Because it is building on the original dream. Sometimes it is the same exact dream repeating itself, letting me know that I need to pay attention, that more information will be coming. Sometimes it jumps right into continuing the dream, or going into a new segment of the same theme. This is when I start becoming aware that there is more to it.

then comes the part that is even more fun than "”watching” the dreams unfold” (which I don’t take any action with the dreams to creating anything from them yet). there is still one more test to go through before I know these dreams are leading to a idea that will bear the test from just being entertaining dreams to becoming short stories (that will probably never see the light of day *snicker*) to actual books.

I start creating “mind movies” with them. I put the potential characters through potential scenes in my head (usually while I am lying in bed waiting for sleep to come and the house is quiet around me).

If the characters play in the scenes without any problems, or they actually take off in the scenes with little direction from me, I know that the idea is going to be one that I will be able to complete…regardless how much time it takes.

However, if the characters are stiff, if it takes everything in me to get them to do what I want, then it has failed the final test and I know, that while the dreams were fun, the idea won’t fly, and I stop playing with them to make way for another dream, another idea, to come to me.

For a story idea (other than the odd short story, which I admit I don’t write too many of…I have issues with short writing LOL) to come from the dream stages to a workable idea for me, it can sometimes take several months. that is not counting actually building the actual story from the information I gathered in the dream/mind movie stage. It has been a rare story idea that has been born spontaneously.

This *is* a valid way to get ideas, there is a lot of psychological meaning behind it, the symbols that come out in it alone would let a dreamologist have a heyday. And I *do* interpret the dreams along with using them as story ideas, but man, I love the ideas they create…and no, don’t bother trying to figure out my dreams from the stories, LOL, they change so much from the original dream as the characters take on a life of their own that the original dream gets lost in the mix ;)

I caved…

… and I don’t mean I went caving in a dark dank hole in the earth…I mean I caved to my characters and created them each a twitter account. Missy, Rita and Dominick can blabber about Twitter to their hearts content now…just one more place—or rather, 3 more places—that I am going to have to try to censor them from revealing too much *snicker*

yes, some days I think my characters have too much control over me… especially when it doesn’t look like they are actually making that much progress in the actual story. sheesh. come on guys. I gave you what you wanted…  now give me what I want… actual page progress… can we do that? here’s hoping.

Next thing you know, Reis and Iakonna from The Prank are going to want Twitter accounts too. After all, I gave my Ancient Lemurian’s Twitter pages, why not my Anicient Greek’s… LOL but so far, they haven’t demanded anything related to modern technology. I think they know better LOL.

anyway, back to Missy, Rita and Dominick… their Twitter accounts are: @Vaimpir_Missy, @VampireDominick and @WitchyRita. And already they are at it. of course… LOL.

I also have started the interaction of Allorana and Shashanna on their twitter accounts today as well… hopefully this is going to work out for all of these characters and doesn’t become too much for me… I may have to get my oldest niece and sister-in-law involved here… **possible evil plotting ensues…** ;)

A very strange start to the new year.

A very strange start to the new year.

Yes a very strange one. I had vowed -- no, not vowed, I had decided that I was not going to make any New Year's resolutions, I don't keep them anyway, but I had decided that I was going to take things more as they come. There are too many things going on in my life that I cannot control for me to stress about the little things. Mainly mine and my family's health. The rainbow I saw on New Year's Day told me I made the right decision, but everything else hasn't been as accommodating. I am writing a little more than I had been -- which in the past few weeks has been pretty much nonexistent -- but the electronics are not cooperating. My CDRW drive won't record and my TreadClimber, as of last night, refuses to turn on... and my monitor gave me a few fits this morning when I cleaned my desk. Yeah, I can safely say it has been a strange start to the new year.

I am behind on Mu Mysteries. I might have it done by this weekend, or the start of next week, but at this rate, I'm not holding my breath. I'm also way behind on The Prank and Underhill, and honestly, as much as I would love to put Mu Mysteries out for you this month, with as slow as I'm writing right now, I would much rather put my efforts into The Prank and Underhill then Mu, wouldn't you? If I have my way, you will have all three -- or rather I'll have a three, you'll have Mu, for now.

In the meantime I'm going to try to have Allorana ( @allorana ) and Shashanna (@prstssshashanna ) more active on their Twitter accounts, not only about posting about their blogs, but about other things as well. I think I'm also going to go ahead and create accounts for Missy, Dominick, and Rita from Into the Forest /Underhill. (I will let you know what their accounts will be when I get them made...)

I was also planning on having the newsletter done by now and having it done twice a year... but I decided I will start as a mean to go on. Since I can't seem to be pinned to a schedule -- or rather my own schedule -- the newsletters will be released when they're released. As close to January and June as I can get them, but... yeah.

Happy New Year!

I want to take this moment to wish you all a very Happy New Year!

The past year went by quickly. much more quickly than any of us probably planned on, and in a lot of ways it was not a particularly pleasant year, though it did have moments of happiness and joy for all, and I hope it had a lot more moments of happiness and joy personally for each of you.

It saw a lot of our loved ones leave of, both on a personal level and on a public level, but it also had a lot of births join us in this world.

It also had a lot of advancements in technology and medicine. It brought a vast amount of us closer together, people who otherwise would never have been in contact with each other.

on my own personal level I have had a lot of ups and downs with my health, but I am choosing to push forward, even though, at times, I am tired and want to give up. I refuse to do so. So I embrace this new year and say “bring it on!”

I do hope that it brings better things, for myself and for all of you, but even if it doesn’t, I hope that we all can face it together and make it a good year despite what it throws at us.

As a great new sign for the New Year, I have a rainbow out my kitchen window! yes, you read that right. a rainbow. in Utah. out my kitchen window! I am going to take that as a great sign!

Love to all of you!